My (Not Really) Famous Cookies for Halloween!!!

Not my cookies,
merely a close
representation.

I almost forgot to mention this, but I will be handing out cookies again tonight.  Last year, all of the kids  loved getting chocolate chip cookies to eat while trick-or-treating.  What surprised me was that all of the parents loved their kids getting cookies during the evening's escapades.  Not one parent looked suspiciously at the cookies, refused the cookies, or ask for all of my identifying information to give to the police when their child ended up in the emergency room from poison.  All in all, I felt very positive about the entire experience.

So, this year I will again bake chocolate chip cookies this afternoon (though I am thinking about making oatmeal raisin cookies instead).  Then tonight I will again act against the fear mongering in society and give the cookies to kids as they walk up to the front door.

Of course, part of me thinks it's silly to feel like a rebel for baking cookies.  But another part of me wonders how we came to a time when it is an small act of rebellion to bake cookies and hand them out to children.

Welcome Back to School!!!

The 2012-2013 school year begins today in Cobb County.  Curiosity and trepidation fill the school buses as kids start a new grade.

Will I like my teacher?  
Will I have too much homework?  
Will I have friends in my class or classes?
What will happen this year???

Parents have just as many questions, wondering if they (the parents) will like the teacher, if their child/children will do well academically and socially, and if they will be able to afford all the related expenses (PTA, school supplies, foundations, new clothes, more school supplies,...)

Though I have said this before, I will say it again - talk to your child's teacher.

Teachers really are human, too, and will not either send you to detention or hate your child because you want to talk to her (or him).  So ask the teacher how she wants to communicate, either email, notes from home, or phone calls, and then treat her as a participant in your child's life.  I make a point of asking what is the teacher's preferred method of communication, even if the teacher says that all methods are acceptable.  Why?  Because the teacher either have 20-30 parents to communicate with (in elementary school) or hundreds of parents (in middle and high school), while I only have 1-8 teachers on my end.

Remember, opening the lines of communication now will help the rest of the year flow more smoothly.

It's The End of the World As We Know It....

It's the last day of the 2011 - 2012 school year!  That means in less than 2 hours, I will have a fifth grader and an eighth grader - woot!!!  One more year, I will no longer be an elementary school mom.  One more year, and I will become a high school mom.

Something about today makes me feel as though this is the end of the world as we know it.  Both of my kids keep growing up, gaining faith in themselves as they expand their world.  Both kids now have the run of the neighborhood and the surrounding areas on their bikes; they can bike to the library, to Target, to the swimming pool, and to the bike shop.  Both kids want to learn how to cook more meals, so we already started on menus.
My daughter knows how to solder, and has two or three projects just waiting for her to have the time.  My son loves paintball - luckily the field is close by.  And both kids love science - can you say homemade liquid nitrogen?

The most exciting part of the summer, though, is called Camp Terry.  My son, Terry, decided to run a week long summer camp for a neighborhood boy (a six-year old friend of the family).  Terry planned out activities to do every day, including a field trip, and even offered to watch this kid overnight.  When my daughter, Rachel, asked what she could do, Terry offered to hire her as a camp assistant.   So everyone is now happy and looking forward to having the best week of the summer. :-)

As for me, I need to balance writing, programming, and spending time having fun with my kids.  I love doing science experiments, doing large art projects, and exploring areas of Georgia.  Mostly, though, I just like hanging out and discussing life, liberty, and the universe.

I hope you have a wonderful summer, wherever you are.

Trust - It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

East Cobb Park - a place to run around and play

For those of you new to my blog, I avidly read and follow the Free Range Kids blog by Lenore Skenazy.  I raise my kids to be free range, roaming our neighborhood and a few surrounding neighborhoods in an effort to help them learn to be self-reliable.  I rail against the fear mongering as propagated through the supposed news media, as every single little potential incident gets blow up and reported as though it was happening it your own backyard.  I rail against the stupidity of school systems which all but ban a child either arriving at school alone or leaving school alone.  After all, what might happen if a child walks home alone or with a friend??  

But today, I want to ask the question - what happened to our trust in society?  What happened to trusting your neighbors, to other humans?

Back in the 1970s and 1980s, I rode my bike or walked to school.  I had friends to talk to sometimes; I had time to think and enjoy nature at other times.  I learned that I was okay by myself, and that I didn't need someone else around for me to be okay.  I met neighbors, both old and young.  I felt like part of a community.

Fast forward to today, and see how much the world has changed.  Moms and dads schedule playdates for their kids, who have no other way of meeting friends.  Some moms even refuse to schedule a playdate if the dad is the only parent present at the other house.  A woman called 9-1-1 to report a man who talked to her daughter.  Yes, the man's only "crime" was speaking to a little girl outside.  (The man was looking for his lost puppy.)  Another woman called 9-1-1 because a van was slowly following the school bus in her neighborhood.  The reason behind this act completely eluded me, since any vehicles following a school bus in a neighborhood drive slowly, or risk hitting a child.  But then I learned the van was driven by a Hispanic man.

What are we really so afraid of?

In Sweden, mothers frequently leave their occupied strollers outside a store if a baby is sleeping or resting happily.  When asked why, the common response is "Why not?  Everyone watches out for babies." The same is true for toddlers, preschoolers, little kids, big kids, and even teens.

So why can't we Americans learn to trust our neighbors, our community, as much as Europeans?

If we trust our neighbors, then our kids can play outside without parents worrying about nebulous danger.  If our kids play outside, they get exercise, get practice making friends, learn how to navigate their own corner of the world, and - most importantly - learn to rely on themselves.  We help our children grow into responsible adults.

But only if we are willing to put down the mantle of fear, and retake the mantle of trust.

Online Resources for Students

Whether you have a kindergartner or a senior, at some point you or your child will need to go online, either to research a school project or to get extra help in a specific subject.  The question then becomes, where do you head?

The very first place I (and my kids) go is to the associated teacher’s blog.   I currently have children in Murdock Elementary School and Dodgen Middle School, and I completely love the teachers at both school!!!  On top of being knowledgeable and friendly, these teachers maintain wonderful lists on their blogs of website pertinent to either the grade or the class.  From math facts to typing to social studies and science, I find interesting links to everything.

If I need to look further, I admit that I use my Google fu to search the Internet.  I spent and continue to spend time with my children online, teaching them how to search Google for information.  By the way, the basic secret for searching on Google is to type in your question exactly like you would ask a librarian.  Google automatically throws out simple words, such as “the”, and generally performs the search you want.

For those who want to set up bookmarks on your home computer to quality educational sites, I have a few suggestions for you:

• My Homework Hotline:  Sponsored by Public Broadcasting Atlanta’s E-learning Cyber Center and the Atlanta Public Schools, My Homework Hotline offers students real people answering phone calls and online help requests.  Georgia Tech even provides the math tutors.  
• Phone Number:  678-553-3029
• Online Request Form
• Available Monday through Thursday on normal school days
• Grades K-5 can get help from 3:00pm - 5:00pm
• Grades 6-12  can get help  from 5:00pm - 9:00pm
• Khan Academy:  From developmental math (e.g. what is a whole number) to calculus, the Khan Academy covers every math subject from kindergarten to twelfth grade.   If your child doesn’t quite understand a math lesson, pull up this website and watch the video.   Khan Academy also offers video lessons on science, history, and computer science.   No registration is required to watch the videos, but you will need to register if you want to use their online math practice.
• e-Learning for Kids:   This particular website contains information and lessons for kindergarten through sixth grade inclusively, in the following subject areas:
• Math
• Language Arts
• Science
• Computer
• Environmental Skills
• Life Skills
• Health
• English as a second language

My Halloween Mission: Success!!!

Mission accomplished!!!

Okay, let me back up a bit.  This weekend, I discussed my Halloween mission with my dear husband, who pointed out that homemade cookies would turn into homemade cookie dust in a trick-or-treat bag.  So, I decided to give away homemade cookies to kids who wanted to eat one immediately, and give away candy for their goody bag.

This afternoon, I whipped out my Kitchen Aid stand mixer and a bag of Toll House chocolate chips.  Following the recipe on the bag, I made a double batch of cookie dough.  After the first batch of cookies expanded too much, I changed the baking method to create cookie bars.

Then, I waited.  Usually, we have a small horde of preschoolers show up between 4:00pm and 5:00pm, dressed up as ladybugs and firefighters and accompanied by their moms.  Today, no one showed.  Not one single kid knocked on our door between 4:00pm and 6:00pm.  If fact, it was almost 7:00pm before we got the very first trick-or-treaters for the night.

However, once we had trick-or-treaters, everything went smoothly.  We gave out homemade chocolate chip cookies to the trick-or-treaters to eat now (with permission from the parents for the wee ones), as well as giving out candy to take home for later.  Not only did we run out of cookies, but a friend of my son who was not going trick-or-treating called us, asking if we still had cookies left.  He was going out to trick-or-treat at our house, just to get a cookie!

No one called the cops.  No one accused us of attempting to poison their children.  And all the children enjoyed the cookies.  In fact, given the feedback we've gotten so far, I think we may make this a new Halloween tradition.

A Grand Introduction to.... Paul and Storm!!!!!

(From the Left)  Portal Pirate, Storm, Blue Butterfly, Paul

Just under a year ago, we took our kids to their first Jonathan Coulton concert.  We already loved JoCo's music - the kids regularly sang along with "Re:  Your Brains" and "Skullcrusher Mountain".  But little did we know we would meet what has become their other favorite musical group of all time - Paul and Storm!!!

While I had heard a song or two from them, I never really put together who this Dynamic Duo was.  Until, that is, that night.  Paul got up on stage, saw kids in the audience, and immediately apologized for his f*cking potty mouth.  I giggled - partly because of what he said, and partly because Paul just looks too innocence for such a potty mouth.  Storm played guitar as they sang "Opening Band" .  Then they went through the funniest song set list I'd ever heard.  We literally were almost peeing in our pants at them.  (They even made a funny joke about the audience peeing its collective pants!)

By the time JoCo came on stage, I knew two things:

1. I wanted a Paul and Storm CD.  (We bought one that night.)
2. Life at home would never be the same.

Since then, my kids now run around the house in the morning singing "Opening Band" at the top of their lungs.  They want their grandmother to cook a dog for Christmas dinner.  Oh, and I had to explain what nuns were, a rather comical conversation when you get down to it.  My son even plans to create a video for "Frogger - the Musical" using his Legos.  

So wherever you are, Paul and Storm, thank you for that night, and for everything since then.

Here they are with Jonathan Coulton.  I wouldn't want him to feel left out.

Traveling Rules for a Family

To those who don't know, I am a *big* fan of the Free Range Kid movement.  I feel that society artificially pumps up the fear in every situation that involves children, until children themselves feel scared to go outside.  

Well, I work hard to get my kids' ready for the world and not scared of society at large.  I even follow the Free Range Kids blog.  The following rules and responsibilities appeared in the blog, and I love them so much that I am passing them on.

Ambler Family Travel Rules and Responsibilities

1. It’s good to talk to strangers.  The outside world is full of them.  The place you don’t have to deal with them is at home, which is where people who can’t cope with strangers will stay next time.
2. Each traveler is responsible for finding things to be excited about, and sharing that enthusiasm.
3. If the enthusiasm of others embarrasses you, pretend otherwise.  Being cool is dull, except in a sports car.
4. Unusual foods are part of the point.
5. Staying home is usually more comfortable than traveling, but traveling is more interesting.  Prioritize well.
6. Travel disruptions are normal and a good way to show your readiness for more challenging adventures.
7. Remember that your dislikes do not make interesting conversation.
8. Wash your hands.  You have no immunity to foreign germs.  Throwing up is not interesting.
9. You have travel in your future that you can not even imagine.  Adhering to these guidelines makes you eligible for such travel.

Patterson Amendment:  Always try to use the toilet when stopping the car.  We really will get there faster if we stop fewer times.

New NPR Kids' Book Club

I came across a link tonight that made me almost giggle.  NPR now has a kids' book club, called the Back Seat Book Club.

Why did I want to giggle?  Because of pure happiness.  With all the adult book clubs out there, I have been looking for something for my children.  They love reading, but it's hard to get recommendations for them.  Yes, I do research at Common Sense Media and Scholastic websites, but what I want is something more.  And more is what a kid (and a parent) gets with this latest NPR offering.

The book club hooks into All Things Considered.  Parents and kids aged 9-14 are encouraged to read the book, either separately or together.  Then the young readers (i.e. the kids) can send questions in to the author, who appears on the show at the end of each month to chat about their book and answers some of the questions.

October's selection is "The Graveyard Book" by Neil Gaiman.  I love this book!  After reading the book, you can go to the submission page, and send in your thoughts and questions to Mr. Gaiman.  He is scheduled to be on All Things Considered this Friday.  Plus, Mr. Gaiman reads the book in videos and offers a fan kit at his own website.  

For those who have never read "The Graveyard Book", the protagonist is a young boy whose family is murdered by a man named Jack at the beginning of the book.  The young toddler escapes to a graveyard, where the inhabitants (ghosts as well as a few other creatures) raise him.  

How You Can Help Your Child With Homework

     Now that you have a good environment ready for your child to do homework, the question arises as to how to help your child with her homework.  Before you begin,  I have one word of advice.  

You are a parent, not a teacher.  

     Even if you are a teacher, you are a parent first when helping your child with homework. This means:  

• You do not correct the homework, unless you have specific instructions from the teacher.  
• If your child misses the majority of the problems, send a note to the teacher and let her handle it.  
• If your child is struggling and doesn’t want your help, stand back and let your child handle it.  
• If your child struggles for too long, stop her, send a note to the teacher, and let the teacher handle it..

    Homework lets the teacher know if a student understands what’s being taught, but only if you, the parent, don’t correct the homework yourself.  In other words:

• Your job is to make sure the homework gets complete and to communicate to the teacher about any problems.  
• Your teacher’s job is to correct the homework and work on any comprehension problems with your child.  
• Your child’s job is to do the homework to the best of his or her ability and ask for help when appropriate.

Before Homework...

    Before your child begins homework, you need to ensure that he has enough emotional energy to actually do the work.  That means your child needs to be neither too hungry nor too tired, since    either condition lessens your child’s ability to cope.  

     For a child who exits the school bus looking to consume any and everything in his path, afternoon snacks are a must.  Peanut butter with either apple slices or graham crackers, cheese toast, and yogurt with granola are a few of the favorite afternoon snacks at my house.  The actual foods don’t matter as long as you have some protein and some carbohydrates.  You can even turn afternoon snacks into subtle nutrition, math, and finance lessons by letting your child help out.  Menu planning requires discussion on nutrition, figuring out how much to buy requires some math, and shopping for the ingredients involves money.

     As for sleep, I admit that  you can’t do anything about a child who is too tired in the afternoon.  Children need a regular sleep schedule.  If you notice your child has circles under her eyes or seems unable to focus or stay on task, then you need to consider moving your child’s bedtime forward.  Even a change of 15 minutes has been shown to help children perform better in school.

During Homework...

    Children need various things from you while doing their homework.  Younger children might need you to sit next to them, for confidence and to answer the occasional question.  Older children might need you to play music, or keep the area quiet.  Sometimes children need help on projects; sometimes they want you to go away and let them handle it themselves.  Whatever the particular situation, there are a few rules for you to follow:

1. You should only do what your child cannot.  

When both of my children went to kindergarten, we had family art projects once a month.  Even though these projects were family oriented, I let my child lead each project and make the important decisions. For example, my daughter needed to create a family snowman for December.  She picked out a tartan to represent our Scottish heritage and  a coat of arms for our German heritage, among other decorations.  I printed out the images and cut them to the appropriate size, but my daughter glued everything to the snowman and did the rest of the decorating herself.  By splitting the work up that way, she felt ownership for the snowman.

2. Offer help when your child asks for it or seems lost...

Okay, okay, I know I said that it’s the teacher’s job to help your child with comprehension problems.  But sometimes a child gets stuck, or needs reassurance that she’s doing the problem correctly.  That’s where you come it.  

Let’s say your child is doing a math worksheet, and comes to you stuck on a problem.  Is it the first problem?  If yes, find out how stuck she is.  If she has no clue, skip the worksheet and send a note to the teachers.  If she thinks she knows what to do, but she’s just learning the math concept (such as long division), then watch her go through the steps.  It’s very possible that your presence and reassurance are all that she needs.  If the problem is halfway through the homework, look at the rest of the answers.  If she got everything right, then helping her get over one problem is no big deal.  If she got every other answer wrong, then stop her and send a note to the teacher, because you really do not want her to learn how to do math the incorrect way.

3. But stand back if your child doesn’t want help.

Remember, you want your child to learn responsibility for his or her own homework.  That means if your child wants to continue without your help, you have to bite the bullet and stand down.  If your child asks for help, but then says that he can do it alone, let him.  If he seems frustrated but says he can figure it out, let him.  If he works on a problem for too long, ask him if he needs help, but be prepared to honor a “no” answer as much as you would a “yes” answer.

I know from experience that it is very difficult to stand by and let your child struggle with homework, especially if you know a shortcut to help out or if it is one of your strong subjects.  But children need to learn how to stand on their own.  Period.  As their parent, you need to support this.  A child who overcomes his own struggles will learn to persevere, which is what we ultimately want our children to learn.

4. Create your own example problems to avoid doing your child’s homework.

Your child is doing long division for the first time, and asks you to help explain the steps involved before she starts working.  This situation sets up what I consider a classic homework quandary for parents - how to help out without doing any of the homework yourself.

The answer to this quandary is simple - create a brand-new, not in her homework problem for the two of you to work out.  If your child is multiplying two digit numbers, pick two new number and walk through the multiplication.  If your child is doing long division, reminder her that “Dirty Monkeys Smell Bad” (divide, multiply, subtract, bring down) and create a new different problem to practice on.  If your child does not seem to understand after one or two practice problems, stop the math homework and send a note to the teacher.  Be happy that you tried, and even more happy that you didn’t inadvertently do any homework problems.

5. Dance!  Do Jumping Jacks!  Wiggle! (after each assignment, that is.)

Recent work in neurology shows that the part of the brain responsible for processing motion and movement also processing learning.  That means a quick way to re-energize your child’s brain in the middle of homework is movement.  Put on a dance tune and boogie with your child.  Do some jumping jacks together, or wiggle around for a few minutes between homework assignments or after 15 minutes of concentration.  Not only will this help your child focus better, but it’s a great activity to do together.

6. Praise your child for attempting each problem.

Children need to be praised for attempting problems, regardless of the outcome or the correctness of the answer.  

7. Stop all homework when your child hits burnout.

Homework is helpful up to the point of burnout.  By burnout, I mean that a child is out of mental and emotional energy.  Burnout leaves a child tired, angry, and out of internal coping resources.  Every homework study I’ve read warns about burnout, because not only does it hurt homework for the night, but children who hit burnout also do poorly  the next day at school.  If you notice your child is heading to burnout, stop him immediately and send a note to the teacher.  

8. Establish the habit that homework is not done until it’s back in the backpack.

It is far too easy for a child to finish all of the problems on a worksheet and then leave the worksheet on the kitchen table.  Then you spend the evening chasing your child down, admonishing him to put his homework away.  You can avoid this scenario completely if you establish from the get-go that homework does not count as “complete” until it is return to the backpack, along with any notes for or from the teacher and every other item needed for school the next day.

9. Remember, Cobb County has a 10-minute per grade level homework policy.

If your child routinely has more than 10-minutes per grade level worth of homework, you need to schedule a parent-teacher conference to understand why and fix the situation.  I assume that Cobb County based it’s homework policy on national standards and homework studies that show too much homework creates burnout.  It is your job, as a parent, to enforce this standard for your child.

After Homework...

    Congratulations!  You and your child made it all the way through homework.  I don’t have any routine activities to perform after homework, but about once every week or two I check on the homework supplies.  Do we still have enough sharpened pencils?  Erasers?  If you put effort into reviewing your homework supplies proactively, you can avoid the “But I can’t find scissors!” situation.

Next week, I’ll discuss how to be your child’s advocate.     


    

Homework, Homework, Everywhere...

As the school year progresses, the dread of homework creeps upon us.  I am certain that you’ve heard (or will hear) whining and complaining along the lines of, “This is too hard!” or “I don’t want to do homework!” So how can you help your child do homework without starting a knock-down, drag-out fight over it?

I’ve written a series of articles on homework based on research in neurology, how the brain learns, and personal experience.  The articles cover:

• How much should you help
• How to set up a homework friendly environment
• How to help your child without doing the homework yourself
• Where to find online resources for both you and your child
• How to be your child’s advocate over homework

The first thing you must determine is how much help your child truly needs.  Like most things in childhood, the younger the child, the more you need to be involved hands on.  This means that in general, younger children need more parental involvement that older children.

Kindergarten through First Grade:  You’ll need to sit next to your child during homework, giving her instructions such as “Write your name at the top of the paper” every night and offering encouragement.  Plan on doing homework at approximately the same time every afternoon, to teach your child the habit.

Second and Third Grade:  At the beginning of the year, you will still need to sit down with your child.  But within the first few weeks, stop sitting down and let you child tackle his homework on his own.  Just be available during homework to answer any questions and give encouragement.  

I suggest you still sit down and go over the homework with your child in second grade in detail.  But by third grade, a quick question of “So how much homework do you have?” will suffice.   The point of either activity isn’t to give you an idea of the homework, but to give your child an idea of how much he has at the end of the day.  This step moves him along the path to independently done homework.  

Fourth and Fifth Grade:  You finally reached the point where you can say, “Okay, it’s time to start your homework.”  Your child now knows:

• How to do homework,
• Where to do homework,
• Where you keep supplies,
• How to gauge the amount of homework, and
• When to do homework.

You will need to teach your child how to schedule projects, since most school do not hand out big at-home projects before fourth grade.  I suggest you pull out a calendar and discuss how to divide the amount of work reasonably over the available time period.  Then have your child write down the results so that she can track them independently.  

Sixth Grade and Up:  Here’s where the rubber meets the road.  Sometime during your child’s middle school years, you need to stand back and stop doing homework.  Stop asking your child how much homework he has, stop arranging time for his homework (unless he requests the time), stop everything.  This is the moment you’ve been waiting for (or dreading) - your child now can independently do his homework.

At the beginning of my son’s sixth grade year, we gave him a choice.  Either we would still schedule his homework for him and sometimes check his work for completion, or he could take over and be responsible for his homework.  He choose the latter; that meant that he needed to manage his own time after school to get his homework done.  

How did that experiment turn out?  

Wonderfully!  My son ran into trouble a few times, as he learned how to manage his time.  But we kept our noses out of his homework, and he made honor roll twice in sixth grade, and remained in his advanced classes for seventh grade.  

Was it easy for me to give up control?

No!!  While I told my son that I had every confidence in his capability to handle homework, inside I feared the nightmare  - a report card full of Ds and F with a child who learned nothing.  I feared behavior problems, arguments over computers and chores springing up randomly, meteors falling out of the sky onto our house, heavy rains of cats and dogs, earthquakes splitting the ground open to form a volcano in downtown Marietta...

But none of that happened.  To forestall any arguments over video games, we gave my son a timer and a set amount of computer time per day.  He can use the time whenever he wants, so long as he does not go over his allotment.  Not only did arguments over chores not appear, he now chooses to take out the garbage over starting homework - an unforeseen bonus that leaves my house smelling that much cleaner.  As for the cataclysms?  There is still a dearth of active volcanoes in our area.

I know that someone out there reading this will think, “But my child isn’t ready for the responsibility.” Let me tell you a little story.  Back in the mid-1990s, some parenting experts started recommending that no one potty trains their children until the ages of 4 ½ or 5.  The experts said that waiting allowed the parents to have more meaningful conversations with their children on the subject.  Sounds logical, right?

Wrong.  Waiting on potty training taught the children to pee and poo in their pants.  Children’s brains are wired to learn certain activities at certain ages, and you don’t have much of a choice about it.  A child will walk when he’s ready, talk when he’s ready, learn to read when he’s ready, and learn to use a toilet when he’s ready.

Your child also learns responsibility at a certain age.  She learns to dress herself, feed herself, pick up her toys, put her dishes in the dishwasher,...  Learning to be responsible for homework is just another stepping stone on the trip from infant to independent adult.

I know several parents who gave up the reins of homework, and enjoyed their children’s school years more because of it.  I also know several parents who did not hand over the responsibility, and these people paid for it in middle school and  high school.  Their children had learned not to be responsible for their own homework, not to think about it or schedule for it.  Epic battles occurred in their homes over homework, and nobody won.

One final note to my story - I still help my son when he asks for help.  Sometimes he gets a big project and needs help figuring out the schedule.  Sometimes he needs unusual school supplies.  And sometimes, he needs to be excused from a family activity.  The message here is that I still support my son.  But I let him tell me what he needs instead of my butting-in and looking for what I can do.