Day 15: My Ability to Even is Completely Compromised

Dog Tax:  Walking Titan Yesterday
I tried to find something happy to talk about here.  Well, something other than my daughter, who is handling herself with more grace and self-assurance than I expected.  She's a high school senior who's had her last year borked by this quarantine.  But with no prompting from either me or her Dad, she set up a study schedule for her schoolwork, using white board markers on the sliding glass doors to keep track of her daily tasks.

(Yes, you can use white board markers on glass.  But they're not visible enough, so we got her special glass markers, to be supportive.)

My daughter also set up activities with her friends, from gaming together to watching movies.  She's been taking the dog on walks, cooking dinner twice a week and lunch twice a week, and generally being a fabulous conversationalist.

I am so very proud of her; there aren't enough words to express how I feel.

But then I read the news and BAM!  Negativity worms its way into my life. 

I consider myself to be an optimist.  I put effort into finding the silver lining in every situation.  For example, I'm spending more time with my family because of the quarantine, which is awesome because I have an amazing family. 

And yet, I find myself agog at the sheer stupidity of our illustrious president as a whirlwind of negativity drowns out my natural happiness.

This past week not only compromised my ability to even, I can't odd either (It's a dad joke; I apologize.) 

The commander in chief, the man whose job is to enforce the laws on our country, is encouraging people to break the law.

Just think about that for a second.  It's like a police officer telling you that if you want to get somewhere faster, just speed!  The speed limits were created by the Democrats and liberals to compromise your liberties.  So speed away!

I can't even think about cutting the funding to the WHO, because I know that is a diversionary tactic that Trump's using to keep the public from thinking about his latest disaster.  I also can't think about how Trump keeps trying to turn the presidency into a dictatorship, though to be honest, with the Senate and Mitch McConnell refusing to do their freaking jobs, it feels like we're living under a dictator and not a president.

It feels like the revolution is getting closer and closer, and the chances for a bloodless revolution are growing smaller and smaller. *sigh*

Anyway, take care of yourselves out there, and stay safe. 

Day 6: Better Than Yesterday

Yes, yes, I know that I never published day 5, part 2.  That's because after hearing about Bernie Sanders dropping out of the presidential race, I felt downright horrid.  I mean, I expected that to happen eventually, but not yesterday.  The worst part is that Bernie is trying to help Joe Biden win by not dragging the Democratic nomination through the mud. 

The revolution is just one more step closer.

The official head shot from Bernie Sander's website
But yesterday actually ended well.  My very lovely husband went on a late night walk with me and our dog.  We found an empty parking lot surrounded by trees and took a casual stroll together.  One good thing about this quarantine is that my marriage is stronger than every.  My husband and I still enjoy each other's company, and are getting even closer since we're spending more time together.

As for today, I'm now authenticating users on my app, which is scary process since I haven't done this before.  I'm also figuring out which back-end database to use and structuring the data to use a person's username to separate everyone's information. 

I also watched "The Core" with my darling daughter.  Yes, we've both seen the movie before, but we both adore the character Rat.  You just have to ignore the glaring holes in the science if you want to watch the movie and have fun.  Today's the next to last day in her last spring break of high school. 

I have avoided the news today, because there is just such insanity out there that it boggles the imagination.   Two guys in Great Britain were arrested for licking their hands and then going around touching stuff in a grocery store.  Who does that???? I mean, seriously?

I hope to get real sleep tonight.  The dreams of being lost with severe anxiety do not a good night's sleep make.  Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, but as long as I take it one day at a time I'll be good.

Take care of yourselves.

Day 5, Part 1: Good *!@&*$? Morning

Eugène Delacroix - Le 28 Juillet. La Liberté guidant le peuple

This morning is going just splendid, can't you tell?

I woke up in pain.  For some unknown reason, my broken-ish foot is hurting again.  Maybe it's the panic and stress-filled dreams.  Maybe it's the anger at how incredibly incompetent the U.S. is handing the crisis.  Or how people seem so willing to see Trump as a leader when all he's done is delay things, causing more people to die.

I delete a bunch of shows from my Netflix play list yesterday, shows that are too dark or too drama-y for me.  I don't need to watch some sci-fi dystopian future when I can get the same from national news.

Yes, we are living in a virtual dictatorship where money is more important than human lives, and the very few at the top basically determine everything from who can run for political office to where people can live to how good of a life is offered to us peons.

I heard the ranting and ravings from the liberal side before, and I used to believe that they were exaggerating.  But we have video evidence of Trump lying to the American public over and over again.  And no one will call him on his lies or the harm he has caused.  No one is holding him accountable for his own actions and words.

The Republican Party willingly turns a blind eye to his antics, supporting Trump, covering for Trump, even subverting the impeachment process so that Trump doesn't have to face any time of scrutiny or consequences for absolutely anything that he has done.

If I read this as a plot in a fiction book, I would have stopped before now because of the unbelievability of this premise.

And the Democrats aren't any better.  Corporations and the very wealthy also control the Democrats; they just care more about the common folk, maybe???  Otherwise, it makes no sense for the party not to throw its weight behind the grass roots favorite, Bernie Sanders, when he has the numbers to win the election.  But Bernie Sanders would tax the rich, so the rich don't like him.  Instead they pulled Joe Biden into the race and paid for him to win.

Which means that the people with money are making the decisions in our country, and we just have to suck it up and deal.

I do NOT want a French Revolution to happen over here.  I don't want someone to invent a new guillotine to facilitate the deaths of the upper classes.  I don't want rioting in the streets, the burning of buildings, the starvations and depravations that come with a bloody revolution.

But history is doomed to repeat itself, especially for those who don't learn from it.  And we are headed for a bloody revolution.  We are headed for a time when it won't be safe to walk outside, either from the rioting masses or from the ensuing police state.  We are headed for a time when people have had enough, and then there will be nothing anyone can do but survive.

And all we can do is helplessly watch.

So, I say to you, good *!@&*$? morning.

Day 4: It's Raining. Maybe?

Flowers on Marietta Square, featuring the poisonous foxglove
Flowers on Marietta Square

It's raining here.  Kind of.  I went to take Titan on a walk in Marietta, and it started to rain abou two blocks away from the parking lot.  We got out and walked around in the rain, because it was very light and warm-ish.  Then just as we finished, the light rain stopped.  So we got sort of wet in a kind of rain way.

I feel guilty about taking Titan out on walks. I know that we need to stay home, hunker down, and wait for a vaccine to be created, manufactured, and delivered to the general public.

But...  a few years ago, I broke the little toe on my left foot.  Really broke it - it's not straight and probably never will be straight again.  In the middle of healing, I managed to crack it open again.  Because why just break my toe once??

Anyway, my left foot hurts now.  I wake up at crazy times during the night because my foot aches.  I'll be sitting down or making dinner and BAM!  Suddenly pain crashes through my foot because... well, I don't know really why it decides to suddenly hurt.

A few months ago, I realized that walking my dog in my neighborhood was a bad idea.  No, make that Bad Idea, with initial caps.  The sidewalks here are old, cracked, and bumpy due to plant growth, rain water, and time.  The streets aren't flat either.  And when I take Titan out here for more than a very short walk (less than 5 minutes), I end up back home, taking Tylenol, and wishing the medication would work faster.

Yet a trip to a local park or to downtown Marietta, with smooth relatively flat paths leads to no increased foot pain.  To be honest, my foot hurts after moving in general, but there is a noticable difference in walking there versus my neighborhood.

All of our county parks are closed, so I am left with the path next to downtown Marietta.  It's quite wide; I estimate 8 - 10 feet across.  So there is plenty of room for social distancing.  And there are not many people using the path.

But I still feel guilty.  Like I'm somehow cheating?  I also feel guilty going to the grocery store, even though my family needs things like fresh milk, fruit, and toilet paper.  I know that guilt stems from the fact that I have friends who work at my local grocery store, and I enjoy seeing them and saying "Hi!".

I know that I'm not breaking the rules of the shelter-in-place orders.  But logical doesn't help with emotions.

So today I'm left feeling tired (not sleeping well again), a bit depressed, and a lot guilty because I needed to go shopping and walking.  The walk actually helps with the depression, which is why I'm only a bit depressed.  And still...I wonder.

Take care of yourselves out there.