Netiquette Primer: Tell Your Own Story

I like hearing a good story or two, as do most folk.  But just like real life, when you are writing online you need to remember to tell your own story.

I cannot stress the importance of this.  Unless you have been asked to help disseminate information on someone's behalf, such as the status of a person in surgery, what you post needs to be about you, your actions, your thoughts, your opinions, and your behaviors.  Yes, you can mention other people, but only in relation to you.

While in real life, telling another person's story is considered gossip, the consequence online is more severe.  Every time a name is mentioned online, that person's digital footprint grows.  So if you gossip online, you not only expand your digital footprint but also the other person's digital footprint.  Parents are particularly bad at this, as we tend to want to either brag about our kids' latest accomplishments or get sympathy for their latest growing stage (such as the terrible twos).  But every story we post about our kids creates a digital footprint for them and might cause them either embarrassment or humiliation as they grow older.

To illuminate this point, let us assume that a mother calls her toddler a "honey badger" online because he is going through a particularly stubborn phase, going so far as to write "Honey badger don't care" as a caption under the toddler sleeping someplace other than his bed, or making a face at the camera while pouring milk over his head.

Said toddler knows nothing about this, but what happens when he grows up?  What will he think when he sees these pictures and captions?  What will his friends think?  Chances are he'll get teased at least a little bit over postings he didn't approve of.  And, taking this a bit farther, what if his teachers learn about this?  How long will this toddler need to explain behaviors he had that predate his living memory?

Sadly, kids everywhere are developing digital footprints via their parents' blogs, status updates, and comments.  And remember, the Internet is forever.  So these footprints will follow these kids into their adult lives.

But parents and kids are only one source of not telling your own story.  I read people complaining about their significant others, and I wonder if they would say these things to their partner's face.  I wonder how many relationships are ruined because it's easier to tell a bunch of strangers what you feel instead of telling the person who needs to know.  I wonder how many friendships end because a private comment gets posted in a public forum.

So remember, tell your own story, and let other people tell their own.

Netiquette Primer: Part 2

Second Rule:  Don't abuse the caps-lock key, the bold function, or the italics function.

Text typed in either a large font or in all capital letters is the equivalent of yelling or screaming at a person.  Bold works to bring emphasis to a word or sentence, but becomes shouting if your entire comment is in bold.  Italics become hard to read if too many words are in italics.

Remember, moderation is the key to emphasizing your text.

Third rule:  Stick to the topic of conversation.

I cannot tell you how many times I've been involved in an online conversation when someone butts in and begins to rant about something other than what we're discussing.  First, while I like a well-thought out rant, I prefer if people join a conversation instead of just ranting.  Second, if you have such a strong opinion about a topic, write a blog post or begin your own conversation thread.  But it's rude to hijack someone else's thread for your conversation.

Fourth rule:  The Internet is forever.  So are any posts, comments, or pictures that you upload.

The Internet is comprised of several computers that act as servers, routers, and bridges throughout the world.  This distributed nature means that once you put something out there, you cannot delete the content with any certainty that there is no copy laying around somewhere.  Therefore, it's better to err on the side of caution when posting online because a flaming vent, while provides a temporary outlet for your anger, will come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

Netiquette Primer: Part 1

Last week, I read a blog by a friend of mine where she lamented the lack of manners and grace on social media sites.  After reading and commenting on her post, I began to think that despite the myriad of posts about Internet etiquette, otherwise known as netiquette, the concepts behind netiquette haven't permeated through society.  So I decided to add in my two cents worth.

The first rule of netiquette:  Don't say anything online that you wouldn't say in real life.

Most people think that this rule means "Be nice".  But this rule really means "Be yourself".

If you would criticize someone in real life over a comment/topic/whatever, then doing so online fits who you are.  But if you would not criticize someone in real life, then doing so online does not fit who you are.  I know that being online promotes a feeling of anonymity, but you are not anonymous.  People read and remember what you write, even if you never knew they read it.

Picture this situation.  Two women know each other through the local elementary school and become friends on a social media site, such as Google +, Facebook, or CafeMom.  The two women sit on the same PTA meeting, then woman A goes online and complains bitterly and extensively about the meeting.  Woman B reads her complaints, surprised because woman A seemed happy and excited at the meeting.  How much do you think woman B will now trust woman A?

The answer is not at all.  In fact, woman B will probably avoid woman A now because she doesn't want to read a rant about herself.

Interestingly enough, while a person who is nicer in real life and meaner online will get a reputation of either being two faced or hypocritical, the reverse is not true.  If you are more careful with your words online and more aggressive in real life, people don't see that as either two-faced or hypocritical.  In fact, I recommend being less critical/complaining/rude online, because you don't have the immediate feedback that a real life conversation has.