Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Day 4: It's Raining. Maybe?

Flowers on Marietta Square, featuring the poisonous foxglove
Flowers on Marietta Square

It's raining here.  Kind of.  I went to take Titan on a walk in Marietta, and it started to rain abou two blocks away from the parking lot.  We got out and walked around in the rain, because it was very light and warm-ish.  Then just as we finished, the light rain stopped.  So we got sort of wet in a kind of rain way.

I feel guilty about taking Titan out on walks. I know that we need to stay home, hunker down, and wait for a vaccine to be created, manufactured, and delivered to the general public.

But...  a few years ago, I broke the little toe on my left foot.  Really broke it - it's not straight and probably never will be straight again.  In the middle of healing, I managed to crack it open again.  Because why just break my toe once??

Anyway, my left foot hurts now.  I wake up at crazy times during the night because my foot aches.  I'll be sitting down or making dinner and BAM!  Suddenly pain crashes through my foot because... well, I don't know really why it decides to suddenly hurt.

A few months ago, I realized that walking my dog in my neighborhood was a bad idea.  No, make that Bad Idea, with initial caps.  The sidewalks here are old, cracked, and bumpy due to plant growth, rain water, and time.  The streets aren't flat either.  And when I take Titan out here for more than a very short walk (less than 5 minutes), I end up back home, taking Tylenol, and wishing the medication would work faster.

Yet a trip to a local park or to downtown Marietta, with smooth relatively flat paths leads to no increased foot pain.  To be honest, my foot hurts after moving in general, but there is a noticable difference in walking there versus my neighborhood.

All of our county parks are closed, so I am left with the path next to downtown Marietta.  It's quite wide; I estimate 8 - 10 feet across.  So there is plenty of room for social distancing.  And there are not many people using the path.

But I still feel guilty.  Like I'm somehow cheating?  I also feel guilty going to the grocery store, even though my family needs things like fresh milk, fruit, and toilet paper.  I know that guilt stems from the fact that I have friends who work at my local grocery store, and I enjoy seeing them and saying "Hi!".

I know that I'm not breaking the rules of the shelter-in-place orders.  But logical doesn't help with emotions.

So today I'm left feeling tired (not sleeping well again), a bit depressed, and a lot guilty because I needed to go shopping and walking.  The walk actually helps with the depression, which is why I'm only a bit depressed.  And still...I wonder.

Take care of yourselves out there.

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