Poem: Will's Magic Potion Advert

Imagine that William Shakespeare were alive today. He might be writing the text for advertisements, catchy jingles that people will remember when shopping. Now imagine he got a job writing for the next diet craze...
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Blubber, blubber
Toil and trouble
Cellulose burn
Under skin and stubble

With Death by Chocolate and  
Cold Champagne,
Pickled herring,
Your BMI Bane!

When Fate brings heart attacks
That soar and surge,
Will a deadly rose help you
Poison and purge?

Grecian Formula for your hair,
Contact lenses for your eyes,
But what fool-proof plan appears in your head
To handle those rotund thighs?

My Cure-All Potion is what you Need,
100% Risk-Free Guaranteed.
It will make those stones just melt away,
Without making your wallet bleed.

Trust me.

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